Dunkin’ Donuts is stealing my thoughts

now i grant that, as briefly stated as it is, that subject seems a little paranoid and crazy, and this is not REALLY going to be about how the television steals my thoughts while i sleep. however, okay, this might get a little ridiculous, and i make no excuses for that.

so what you have to know going into this is – and i have mentioned this on occasion – that i APPARENTLY make up little songs about things i’m doing while i’m doing things and sing them, and that, APPARENTLY, i do this all the time. granted, most people then say “but i don’t ever hear you sing and i’ve never heard you do THIS and i think the whole thing is a terrible lie.” i assure you that i do sing, under the following conditions:

01. while doing stuff;
02. in the shower (but only Rock Lobster)

and if you doubt #1, i will have to refer you to my associate Cobb, aka Business. i doubt he can vouch for #2, unless something creepy that i’m not aware of is going on. god, i hope not.

anyway, the former works like this: i’ll be running down the steps and singing “running down the steps, going to run down some steps.” this is all very well and good and juvenile, but as a five-year-old, these things happen.

UNTIL NOW

because APPARENTLY, Dunkin’ Donuts has ads that are filled with people doing stuff singing “doing things is what we like to do.” what the fuck? those dirty, donut-dealing thieves! the problem at this point, of course, is the lack of legal recourse, even with all that Cobb support. so for now, we’ll have to settle for all the outrage.