buying cigars is more complicated than previously suspected

since i don’t have any new stories about some celebrity dildos uncovered during a bag search and i don’t really want to talk about politics (which make me want to vomit like a chicken), let’s go with “complaining about various stuff that no one else really cares about.” please fake some concern, people, we’re on the INTERNET here.

so the other day, i’m heading into a local gas station (which i’m afraid did not sell me TERROR-FREE GAS, but i guess that’s neither here nor there) with the intended purpose of purchasing a) some gasoline for my little Civic and b) some of those tiny and filtered Swisher Sweets cigars that come 20 to a pack and look like shitty cigarettes. if you don’t know what i’m referring to, well, hell, that’s a solid description and you’re just going to have to accept it as it is.

ANYWAY, when the lady working the counter finally deduces what i’m talking about, she makes some snide commentary about how BAD these things are for me. now, generally speaking, “while purchasing gasoline” isn’t typically the time i like to have debates, so i make some comment along the lines of “i think i’ve heard that before” and just try to keep the transaction moving. however, before i can do that, i’m forced to listen to a string of comments about how someone told her these things are so much worse than cigarettes, etc, etc. and there’s my change and i’m getting the fuck out of here.

so going back to the car, two thoughts occur to me:

01. gas stations don’t make their revenue from gas; typically, it’s more about the bullshit they sell you in addition to the gas, right? and i’m fairly confident that, while the mark-up might not be great, one thing that a gas station sells a fair amount of is the smokes. so isn’t this women basically going out of her way, while supposed doing her job, to reduce the income her employer makes and that, of course, pays her salary?

02. now, this part is a little more harsh, but i feel it’s relevant. said counter-lady was, shall we say, overweight. not big-boned, not pleasingly plump, but fat, huge, whatever term you like. now, i happen to know that said obesity isn’t good for your health. hell, it’s downright bad for it. so is someone who practices an unhealthy lifestyle really in a position to criticize my unhealthy lifestyle?

the moral of the story is really that i don’t need a fucking lecture about my fucking cigars that i fucking smoke in the privacy of my fucking car because i’m fucking tired after fucking work and they help me stay the fuck awake, okay? in fact, you extra-helpful anti-smoking activists, just shut the fuck up right now. if i may quote someone here (which i mention lest i be accused of pulling a Mencia here), “if i don’t smoke, there’s gonna be secondary bullets coming your way, do you understand this? i’m fucking tense!”