actor obsessions and MD general assembly sessions

more secret information about janklow

it’s a somewhat well-known fact (well, with people that know me, not, you know, THE INTERNET) that janklow always keeps the television on playing SOMETHING: L&O or Homicide reruns, yet another viewing of Scarface or Carlito’s Way, the results may vary, but it’s got to be something as background noise. however, along with this, i have to admit that there is a holy trinity of actors who, despite not being renowned for their excellence, always make me stop and watch their movies, even when these movies are terrible. this important list follows:

DAVID!
KEITH DAVID

Keith David has, literally, the best voice of all time. granted, there are some stellar members of the voice-acting club (R. Lee Ermey, Kurtwood Smith, Ron Pearlman), but David has them all beat. generally speaking, if i hear his voice, i will turn around and watch the film (this is how i watched Novocaine this one time). but the best example is the fact that i will bash Steven Seagal movies all day long and defend the hell out of Marked For Death. is it because of the voodoo? i don’t know, but it’s worth noting that in said movie, Keith David drives a Bronco all over school property and shoots at Jamaicans with a shotgun. there it is.

SWAYZE!
PATRICK SWAYZE

this one is actually sort of misleading, because i won’t just watch ANYTHING with Swayze in it. i mean, come on, i can’t force myself to give a shit about that movie where he and Wesley Snipes wear dresses and travel the nation. however, if i see him on TV, it’s always in Road House, or MAYBE Red Dawn. and it’s a safe bet that i’ll always watch these films. have i watched Roadhouse every day for more than three consecutive days merely because it came on? no comment, but i will say this: “pain don’t hurt.”

JOEY PANTS!
JOE PANTOLIANO

or, as he is called by a colleague of mine, “janklow’s male crush.” it’s not so much that he’s my crush, however, as it is that i believe he is a being composed of pure energy that’s come to our dimension to enlighten us. did i watch 216 of 251 episodes of M*A*S*H just to see the episode where he guests? oh yes. i may also be the only person in America who bought his book; it wasn’t bad at all, i’ve just never met a single person who also read it.

…don’t judge me. on an unrelated topic, i think i’ll go watch Road House again.

Maryland “assault weapon” tangent

i don’t really want to get into a whole thing about this, because i’ve been fighting with stupid Marylanders all week about it and fussing over the implications of “things i might not be able to buy in the future” and “things that i have to buy right now.” anyway, here’s a relevant photo:

M1A 4 LIFE

oh, sweet M1A, your mere image makes janklow happy on the inside.

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