6 random shots in place of a real topic

well, originally i was going to drop some science in this spot today, or at least some excellent jokes; however, what i mostly spent my week doing was yardwork and getting my ass inadvertently kicked by a stationary potted plant in the middle of the night. i don’t really want to get too specific here, mainly because it’s embarassing, but let’s just say that this is a circumstance wherein the term “bushwhacked” is finally the most appropriate word ever. so ANYWAY, while recuperating, i figured i would just take some random photos around the facility and, you know, riff on them.

i tell you, it's no fun/being an illegal alien.
while i was sorting some CDs and going through the Genesis section, i noticed this ridiculous expository paragraph that i had totally overlooked many times before. of all the Genesis CDs i own (yes, i own four, Duke, Abacab, Genesis and Invisible Touch), this is the only one that feels the need, on the packaging, to declare a “refreshed” return (despite this being album fifteen or so for the group) and talking about their use of the studio as “a creative instrument more than ever before.” this is weird. and i say this as a dude that owns four fucking Genesis albums, and not the cool hipster ones with Peter Gabriel. well, it’s also the album featuring “Illegal Alien,” so maybe this all makes sense.

must be the money! time for prime.
now, while i also have in my possession some albums by professional athletes, all mediocre at best (A.I.), some completely terrible (i’m looking at you, Kobe Bryant), i can honestly say that this – Deion Sanders’ Prime Time – is one that’s worth every penny of the $0.75 i shelled out for it, featuring such hit singles as “Must Be The Money.” it’s also possible that MC Hammer (or his friends) produced this album. also, note this: the booklet not only features pictures of Deion on five of seven pages of the booklet (only two for the liner notes), but the purpose of it seems to be to fold out into THAT awesome poster. seriously, wow.

do you know why this is the best board game ever? (this, of course, assumes that you’re not going to cop some too-cool-for-school anti-board-game attitude, and if you are, well, hey, that’s not a very productive attitude, really.) because unlike every other board game that you have to defend after claiming that it’s the best board game ever (thanks for nothing, Risk!), you don’t have to defend Zombies!!! you just show it to people and win the argument automatically. there it is.

okay, let’s just stop bullshitting and get right to this ridiculous pillow. backstory: i use the word “sass” a lot, and so my sister gave me this terrifying pillow as a joke. so, logically, you ask, “why not destroy that pillow?” because, internet friend, my sister will sometimes randomly visit (from another state, even) and demand to see it. and if it’s not around for her to see, she hits me, and she has bony little fists and she hits me REALLY HARD. it’s kind of like that ring from those movies with the Lord of those Rings: i mean, the pillow is CLEARLY evil and will eventually destroy me, but if i destroy it and Sauron/my sister shows up, wouldn’t it be better if i had saved it and used it against her/used it to not be punched a lot? so what if it controls my life! also, this pillow is a disgrace and it’s not helping my case to start some kind of uber-nerdfest involving LotR. let’s just move on.

seriously, there's no way i could have planned this out so well if i had tried.
also, i have happened to photograph the most inadvertently homoerotic shelf EVER. no further jokes necessary!

FUCK YOU, PLANT…yeah, i’m SO kicking the shit out of this potted plant when no one is looking. you’ve been warned, motherfucker!

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