“go fuck yourself,” june 2007

back in the day, we (as in the good people at house of hate) used to do a little feature type thing wherein, for the amusement of a colleague of ours (Ogre), i would go through some legitimate and/or celebrity news and just be turbo-disgusted with the contents therein, hopefully for comedic effect. well friends, it may just be time to bring back the internet diss blogging!

the New York Times

someone pointed out this article, wherein a Brady spokesmen dropped this line: “But the consumers of the assault weapons are going to include a higher percentage of violent criminals than other guns.” Mr. Hennigan, i really think you should familiarize yourself with some actual crime statistics, which don’t have legal consumers of whatever you label as an “assault weapon” today being the group you think they are. now, in fairness, should i really be saying fuck the New York Times over this? well, they’re in New York and this reminds me of Bloomberg and his crusade to send people to commit federal crimes in other states to prove that, uh, you can lie and commit a federal crime? so the New York Times, and Mayor Bloomberg, and the Brady assholes, fuck you. also, i’m reminded that Amnesty International says that arming people being targetted for rape and murder makes the problem worse somehow. fuck you too, Amnesty International! even if your name makes you sound pleasant!

people who work at stores who keep arguing against the products they sell

i thought we’d already covered this with the whole “janklow likes to smoke cigars that are BAD for him” thing, but as i found out at a grocery store this weekend, apparently, we did not. now, look, i don’t mind having a conversation with people in line, as i did at an unrelated store the same day, even when, as in the case of this second conversation, a) it’s about some random topic (such as Jimmy Buffett, also called “that guy who sings that song,” when i am not a fan of nor a purchaser of the CDs of Mr. Buffett) and b) it involves saying “hey, i hear that” to old guys who are telling me how wacky it is to be 65 and forgetful when i am not even 30 yet. BUT I DIGRESS. what i don’t need is to be buying caffeine-filled drinks at a grocery store and have a grocery store employee in line behind telling me how hard it is to kick the caffeine habit. i am never going to kick this habit; i LOVE caffeine. so why are we bullshitting? (i think he even said “well, do you like headaches” and got the response of “oh yes, i love them,” which is a good sign you’re not getting through to me.) but further … why the fuck would you be in line behind me watching me buy something WHERE YOU WORK and telling me it’s terrible in any circumstance where you’re not simply recommending a better deal or product that your store ALSO offers? employees of stores who don’t understand how buying and selling is supposed to work, fuck you.

Mayor Martin O’Malley

so i generally like to avoid politics, but frankly, it’s never enough with this guy. i’m going to ignore the fact that you came into a city with a crazy murder rate (Baltimore) that was getting crime under control, wrecked the tactics of an effective commissioner (Norris) and his proteges once he left, then claimed you’d get 30+ percent drops in the murder rate with NO methodology offered, then used shady tactics to fudge crime stats (to get your crime rate lower) and to get crimes not reported at all (to get your crime rate lower) while claiming outside examination of said stats is totally partisan. we’re forgetting this! and we’re forgetting your severe opposition to an issue (slots) that an opposition party governor (Ehrlich) wanted just like we’re forgetting that you now support that issue (slots). we’ll even forget how you claimed that your election was Marylanders being fed up with the past government even though your party returned to power in the legislature AGAIN and was vetoing the shit out of the previous governor anyway. here’s wha boils my potatos today: Maryland deregulates electricity through a Democrat-run General Assembly in 1999, which causes a massive increase in electricity prices currently; Ehrlich tries to make deals with Constellation in office and gets shot down by the legislature for partisan reasons; O’Malley runs on the issue of “we will make this right.” so he wins, right? now it’s “well, we can’t fix anything for consumers because Ehrlich fucked it up so bad even though the deregulation was done by Democrats AND prior to Ehrlich being in office, plus, also, the deal we got isn’t substantially different than what Ehrlich would have gotten anyway, but never mind that he and i have accomplished the same thing with my hypocrisy in my case, because we need to pump hundreds of thousands of dollars into the salaries of the mayor of Baltimore and her cabinet.” i admit that this is not terribly funny to me, but i also think that for non-Marylanders, this shit must sound HILARIOUS, right? well, regardless, O’Malley, fuck you.

well, i don’t know if the rage is really as funny as i have been told, but at least i feel better. whew!

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