because we have nothing else to say: ranting in march!

yeah, i don’t mean to totally show my hand here and give away the fact that i … uh … don’t really have a topic or anything, but it is what it is. frankly, i attribute this circumstance to a combination of a) so much depression that my heart is weary (awww, what a pity party for janklow) and b) all the funny stuff i’ve been doing or witnessing being very dependent on circumstance or things i can’t possibly explain here. how can i possibly explain to you the jokes involved with our running mockery of a male co-worker who has semi-erotic dreams about a another male co-worker that involve things like pools and two men riding on one horse? i can’t do it. you’d just have to take my word for it that this shit is funny and laugh, and that’s not fair. and there’s a limit to how often i am allowed to talk about Big Trouble In Little China … or is there? no, yet, there is. i don’t want to DIE for Big Trouble In Little China. anyway, so, let’s do that thing where i rant about nonsense that annoys me.

Lewis Black isn't very funny
pictured above: someone who IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY. actually, i might have laughed at a joke he told once, but i will blame that on drunkenness.

Lewis Black
now, generally speaking, i like to defend the hell out of my local peoples, and Black DOES hail from Silver Spring, Maryland. however, this being said, i can’t help but note that if this fucking guy was ever funny, then he must have decided to remove all the jokes from his act and then replace them with BEING LOUD FOR NO REASON. or maybe he was never funny; i admit this is an equally possible theory. however, let me just point out two things:

01. comedians that loved to flip the fuck out and be loud all the time (let’s say Sam Kinison and Bill Hicks) generally also remembered that you needed to have some jokes in your act to go along with all that yelling, and this appears to be the key ingredient to his comedy stew that Black has missed, which is shameful because you’d hope these comedians would remember their elders and betters that went before them;
02. as someone that likes to get way too loud all the time in the process of being funny (and i also like to swear a lot), i am also very aware that i need to add JOKES to my yelling in order to be funny. now, i don’t mean to sound conceited, so i’ll add that i mention this because a) i think Black yells first and jokes second (much like my scenario here), and b) i am just an average joe and i would hope that average joes like me would realize the problem(s) with Black’s comedy.

anyway, so, there it is. people need to stop giving this motherfucker specials and shows if he’s not going to be funny in the process. and if you don’t have be FUNNY to be well-paid … well, shit, then someone needs to cut me a check and shut me right the fuck up.

cutting back on the Wire isn't very funny
pictured above: what do we think of HBO cutting back season five from 13 episodes to 10 episodes? SHEEEEEEIT!

alright, so, i don’t claim to be a business man, unless killing is, in fact, a business, and then in that case … well, i might then be a businessman, but business would not actually be good right now. but this lack of business-related success aside, please explain to me the purpose behind killing off their quality programs to replace them with … uh … nothing? shit like John From Cincinnati? actually, though, this isn’t the question, but rather, this one: what’s the purpose of touting shows you’ve killed off like crazy as if you care about them, or, alternatively, trimming back shows you tout – and thus, trimming back their quality – unnecessarily? let’s take the Wire, for example. let’s say you cut HBO slack on ending the show because all shows have to end and because Simon expressed difficulty in doing seasons beyond season 5: how do you explain the need to cut the season’s length from 13 episodes to 10 (or 10.5, if you want to be anal-retentive about it)? does this really save HBO that much money or, conversely, make them that much money to be running something else for those three weeks? and this is made worse by the fact that you KNOW they’re going to re-run the shit out of this shortened season and you KNOW they’re going to play up how awesome the show they shortened is to critics and people buying DVDs and so on.

i will grant that if someone would crunch the numbers for me, i MIGHT have cause to back down on this, but i have to tell you, at this point it seems unlikely that i will.

Martin O'Malley isn't very funny
pictured above: WORTHLESSNESS

and two short topics that i love ever so much Scientology and Martin O’Malley:
i hate to be this totally redundant guy as far as my ranting goes (unless we’re talking about Big Trouble In Little China), so i’ll be brief: both of the above are completely full of bullshit and i simply cannot, cannot, CANNOT understand why anyone seems to think they have redeeming value. also, i hope somehow that Ebola fills each of them and causes their painful, sudden, vomit-and-blood-filled demises.

okay, so, maybe a real update next week? maybe? we’ll see. life is tough and no one gets out of it alive, so you’ll get what you get.

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One Response to because we have nothing else to say: ranting in march!

  1. Dorozhand says:

    I must add that Martin O’Malley is also a terrible guitarist. Awful. HORRIBLE. Well, let me put it this way: he is as bad a guitarist as he is a mayor. (That should do it.)

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