so… it’s about that time of the week when i’m supposed to come up with an update, but to be honest with you, i’ve really got nothing here. granted, perhaps i am just all in a flutter over this recent Supreme Court decision upholding the Second Amendment as an individual right (cue the Brady people saying they need emergency money RIGHT NOW) or distressed that those raccoons keep trying to break into my car (seriously, they are all over that thing ever night now, though this MIGHT be partially my fault for storing pig ears in my car and leaving my windows cracked to tempt them) … but either way, it wouldn’t be right of me to just do nothing. so, in order to try and crack this slump, i’m going back to an old method of coming up with nonsense: making fun of and/or getting enraged by “news stories” on iMDB’s WENN news list. here we go!
Nimoy’s Ode To Larger Ladies
Star Trek star-turned snapper Leonard Nimoy is rallying against the unrealistic portrayal of women in the media – with a new book of photographs of fuller-figured women. The 77-year-old, who has launched a successful second career as a photographer, hopes The Full Body Project will help larger ladies come to terms with their bodies, and resist the pressure to slim. He writes in the preface, “The average American woman weighs 25 per cent more than the models wearing the clothes marketed to her. There is a huge industry built up around selling women ways to get their bodies closer to a fantasy ideal. The women in these pages are proudly wearing their own skins. They accept and respect themselves and I hope that my images convey that feeling to others.”
i admit the following: i was not aware that Leonard Nimoy had a successful photography career (i am much more familiar with his Civilization IV voice overwork). in fact, all i can tell from searching the internet is that he stopped acting to concentrate on his photography (voiceovers aside)… which appears to be limited to taking photos of large women in order to fuel their eternal quests to make their bodies full. so it turns out that Nimoy is a chubby chaser. and that’s fine, but really, is a book where a 77-year-old man declares his lust for larger gals really going to make the insecure girls out there think “yes, THAT is where i want my life to go?”
Kidman Upset By Breaking The Waves Film
Nicole Kidman was left so shattered after watching Emily Watson’s performance in Breaking The Waves, she cancelled a dinner engagement and went home to cry about the film. The actress still can’t understand why the Lars Von Trier film left her so emotional. Kidman tells the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, “I saw that film and I was supposed to go out to dinner afterward. I had to cancel dinner. I went home, got into bed, curled up in a ball, and cried. I don’t know why I had such a profound, deep reaction to that film, but I did. It disturbed my spirit.”
now, granted, this obviously came from some Entertainment Weekly fluff piece… but still, the one question i am left asking is: how the fuck does this qualify as a news story on ANY level? i mean, is it news that it makes me tear up when Dog gets killed in the Road Warrior? OF COURSE NOT. though i admit that i am curious about two things: a) how did this come up at all? i am assuming there’s a Lars Von Trier connection (she’s worked with him), but really, i admit curiosity about this. and b) if Breaking The Waves does that to Kidman, what the fuck would Irreversible do to her? i predict “suicide by striking her head against a wall repeatedly.” which i wouldn’t want to happen now that she’s willing to publicly talk shit about Scientology. also, uh, forget the part where i said the demise of a movie dog makes me all emotional. that doesn’t sound very manly.
Chimp Denied Hollywood Star
The chimpanzee star of movies Tarzan and Bedtime For Bonzo has been denied a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Campaigners were hoping 76-year-old Cheeta’s glittering career would convince committee members to grant him a special spot on Hollywood Boulevard in 2009. But he failed to attract enough votes, reports TMZ.com.
well, what more can i say than… I DEMAND TO KNOW THE NAMES OF THESE “CAMPAIGNERS” IN ORDER TO PLAN THEIR IMMEDIATE STERILIZATION. though, if they’re old people, this might not solve the problem, in which case we’ll have to look into this “retroactive abortion” concept we’ve been kicking around the office here.
Lohan Refuses To Submit Name For Emmys
Lindsay Lohan has taken her name out of the race for consideration at the forthcoming Emmy Awards – because her guest spot on Ugly Betty was too “brief”. The actress landed a cameo role in the hit TV show, and was thus eligible to be nominated for the Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series trophy. But Lohan insists she does not want to be put forward for the award just yet, because her character only graces the screen in one short scene. Her publicist Leslie Sloane tells the Los Angeles Times’ Gold Derby blog, “The appearance was brief. We made a decision to wait.” Instead Lohan – who plays a bully on the programme – will wait until the next season of Ugly Betty, when her character will have a more prominent role.
whew, bullet dodged! less deserving actresses won’t have to compete with a master actress known for her role in… uh… well, okay, mostly i think she’s known for trying to make her life a train wreck through consuming all of the nation’s drugs and showing her genitals to everyone, while also allowing her mother to get a television program that shows us where the problem(s) came from. meanwhile, Katherine Heigl is just pleased her writer-insulting attempts to inflate her own ego have been overshadowed.
well, i feel better. but since i don’t want to end on a totally negative note:
Swayze ‘Winning’ Cancer Fight
Cancer-stricken actor Patrick Swayze is “winning the battle” against the potentially fatal disease. The Ghost star was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer earlier this year, but after undergoing treatment at Stanford University Medical Center in California and maintaining a healthy diet, he claims to be making a good recovery. He says, “My treatments are working and I am winning the battle. I am juicing (drinking fresh fruit juice) every day along with other treatments and all I can say is that it’s working fine and really well.”
great success! though i can’t help but be amused at the need to explain what “juicing” meant. i suppose there MIGHT have been concern that Swayze was on steroids or something.