originally, this update was going to involve my tracking down of all the Choose Your Own Adventure books i could find that i owned as a child and then ranking them and mocking them and all that. this might sound like a whole lot of nonsense, but hey, that’s how these listicles develop: we discover we have no real topic for the week (i make this excuse a lot), we rush around furiously trying to think of something, we drink some alcohol and we settle on some kind of a random list. but in fairness, i was floating the idea for a day or so and i think those books are a) awesome and b) ridiculous, so i better not dump all over this for when i use the idea next week.
ANYWAY, i forgot to go dig out that box of books and so i guess i’m going to have to settle for cracking wise about things i see in the news on the internet. i’ll get as worked up as possible and swear and, in the end, if Ogre had lived, isn’t that what he would have wanted? wait a minute… he IS alive. well, scratch that last part.
note: i am contractually obligated to use an American Psycho picture when talking about Christian Bale going crazy
Christian Bale losing his goddamn mind on a movie set
link to the story we’re talking about here (well, sort of): Christian Bale – the dark side of the star of Batman’s Dark Knight
basically, this gist of the story is this: Christian Bale was filming this fourth Terminator movie (he must need the money for charitable purposes or to buy a castle or SOMETHING) when a cinematographer walked into a shot or something and caused Bale to lose his fucking mind. now, whatever, it’s celebrity gossip to a large extent and maybe Bale’s prone to tantrums and maybe this cinematographer is equally bitchy to crew on movies and deserved it, who cares. i don’t care very much about it, except, i suppose, to make two comments about it:
01. sorry, random guys working with him, but Christian Bale is allowed to scream at you however and whenever he likes, because he’s awesome. he could randomly leap from the bushes outside my home and berate me profanely for several minutes, and all i would say is “you know what? you are the best Batman ever. FUCK Michael Keaton.” in fact, i would find the tirade oddly endearing: he’s of Welsh descent and apparently likes to FLIP OUT, and both of those apply to myself as well! hooray! in short, it will not stop me from watching and/or complementing his work. hell, if i was working on Terminator IV, i would probably be screaming at everyone all the time.
02. as you may remember from a post about feminism, i love to hate Gloria Steinem. so when the above linked article mentioned this: “Gloria liked to pontificate and was going on about something for ages at the dinner table one night. Christian suddenly let out a huge sigh and said, â€˜For Godâ€™s sake woman, shut up!”
…well, what else could i say about it but “like i said, Christian Bale can do no wrong.”
yes, i know this blurb is not about Obama himself; i just like to use ridiculous Obama photos whenever possible
Barack Obama’s Cabinet nominees do not believe in paying taxes
link to the [latest permutation of the] story we’re talking about here: Vote delayed for Labor nominee Solis after husband’s tax problems revealed
okay, let me be clear here: i don’t want to pile on and start bitching and moaning about the Obama administration because a) it hasn’t even been in office a month and b) it’s just tacky. when even my fairly conservative grandfather is complaining that his right-wing talking heads should just give it a rest – seriously, he’s been famously bitter about Obama’s election while ALSO hating on Hannity and others who trashed Obama relentlessly before he even took office, so this all cracks me up – well, hey, i think that means we all know it’s in poor form.
but that being said, let me run down the list of Obama nominees that have had tax issues develop during the confirmation process: Tim Geithner, Nancy Killefer, Tom Daschle and now Hilda Solis (i don’t know what you classify Bill Richardson’s issues as, but i guess it’s not EXACTLY a tax issue). that’s what, three secretaries and a “performance czar” with tax issues?
now granted, okay, i understand that every nominee has SOMETHING to pick at, and at least in Killefer’s case, we’re talking about a small amount of money. but really, when part of your selling point for all this HOPE and CHANGE is that you’re much more competent than the previous guys, isn’t it a little odd that so many nominees have tax issues? where’s the background investigations? when you add in some of the other hiccups (like, say, Bill Richardson), this whole thing seems as well put together as, say, the concept of nominating Sarah Palin as a VP candidate. wow, what a mess THAT was.
you know what? i’m not even TRYING to come up with a photo for this last story; here are some puppies instead
some random kid in Wisconsin somehow blackmailing teens into repeated homosexual acts
link to the story we’re talking about here (well, sort of): Police: Teen Used Facebook To Blackmail Students Into Sex Acts
now, we all know that the internet is the most evil thing ever devised (seriously, i mean that, there’s no joke here) and thus it’s always good to throw up a story on the local news about how MySpace is getting our teenagers killed by sexual predators or how Facebook is making them illiterate or whatever. actually, i’m not saying these stories are wrong, just that they’re cynical attempts to grab ratings and not the real concern for the human race that flows forth from my keyboard. but THIS particular story… well, it’s pretty crazy.
apparently this kid (he’s 18, so we can name him as Anthony Stancl) e-mailed some bomb threats to his high school, and when that was getting investigated, investigators uncovered an elaborate plot… to force male students into having sex. so far, i’m sure you’re thinking “you have to FORCE male teenagers into having sex?” well, it turns out that Stancl posed as a girl on Facebook in order to trick these males into sending him naked photos or videos… and then he would use those photos and videos to force them into having sex with him. yeah. you know what? let me just quote this part of the article:
“Investigators said when they confiscated the 18-year-old’s computer, they found 600 professionally made images of child pornography and more than 300 photos and movie clips of fellow male New Berlin students. Many of them were nude. Investigators said Stancl used the social networking site Facebook to pose as a female and persuade the male students into e-mailing him nude photos of themselves in exchange for nude pictures of who they thought was a female.
Police said it all came to light when a 15-year-old boy came forward and told them he was repeatedly forced into sex acts with Stancl, who took pictures of the encounters. Police said Stancl blackmailed at least seven boys ranging in age from 15 to 19, forcing them into sexual encounters that happened in the high school bathroom, parking lot and area parks.
Authorities believe these students aren’t the only ones. “We do believe there are additional victims,” New Berlin Police Lt. Mike Glider said. “Don’t suffer in silence; you’re not alone.”
okay, so here are the comments that follow THAT:
01. didn’t these boys think anything of it when the blackmailer started taking MORE photos of the homosexual acts? if he blackmailed you into homosexuality with a mere nude photo, can you imagine what he can do with photos of you giving him oral sex in “the high school bathroom, parking lot and area parks?”
02. additional victims, you know what? suffer in silence, because i have to assume that a batch of those boys are closet homosexuals. now, look, i feel bad for these kids because this is going to be a huge story at their high school and they will be mocked and taunted until the other students get tired. however, while i can’t see myself sending anyone a nude photo (mostly because of my “never take off your clothes” policy), if i HAD done so, and if the person that had it was saying “if you don’t blow me in a bathroom stall, i will release the photo,” i would have to say “you know what? release that shit.”
anyway, next week: Choose Your Own Adventure! or something like that, i have to go to the dentist and so i might be filled with wonderful drugs.