911: not actually designed for hungry people

i suppose our rant for the week will be about the fact that i really, really wish people would start taking 911 seriously. no, not the day of the terrorist attack that allows us to yell “NEVER FORGET” and then do whatever we like without fear of reprisal, but rather, the emergency telephone number that’s become such a staple of our lives. like most government services, it’s there for a clear purpose but gets abused by every last yokel out there.

now, we’ve joked about how people will call 911 for ANYTHING for so long now that i have to assume it’s common knowledge that you DON’T call 911 for basic needs. even accepting the generous notion that people may call it for things you technically wouldn’t without it being outrageous, it’s still safe to say that there have been some incidents in the last year that are, at best, uncalled for.

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Flavor Flav: also on the team of guys not taking 911 very seriously

“irate woman dials 911 over lack of shrimp in fried rice”
okay, perhaps i would have a little more sympathy if we were talking about food that i ate (there is to be no shrimp in the diet of our hero janklow), but seriously, why would you think that it’s an EMERGENCY that you didn’t get more shrimp? and since we’re talking about not a total lack of shrimp, but a lack of EXTRA shrimp, we can’t be talking about a large dollar amount of damages here. $1? $2? this is the kind of thing you stop going to a restaurant for, not the kind of thing you need emergency personnel for. i mean, come on, whatever happened to storming out of a place while declaring that you’d make sure none of your friends ever shopped (or ate, whatever) there again?
highlight of this story: the completely nonchalant attitude of the restaurant employees. i mean, i guess they know they’re in the right and all.

florida woman calls 911 after McDonald’s runs out of McNuggets
ah, food i would actually eat: a McNugget! now, the thing is, the McDonald’s in question was actually screwing around with this woman: there’s no reason for them to claim “all sales are final” and deny a refund if you don’t have the item she’s trying to buy; that’s bullshit and i imagine that’s why McDonald’s as a corporation apologized for this, and that tempers my righteous indignation a slight amount. still, there’s ALSO no reason to call 911 and not only complain about the situation, but also to keep repeating “this is an emergency.” even people who have been shot and call 911 about it don’t feel the need to keep repeating that it’s an emergency. if it’s an emergency, they’ll know!
highlight of the story: the woman in question presenting the 911 call as the better option than physically attacking the counter personnel. there’s still a third option: doing neither of the above.

man calls 911 after eatery runs out of lemonade
this one is even better because while the previous two incidents at least involved a financial transaction of some kind, this one didn’t. so it’s basically a guy complaining that a Burger King a) didn’t have something he didn’t get to pay for and b) wanted to take a long time making food he, again, didn’t pay for. and if you’re calling 911 to complain about the speed of the food (15 minutes)… why not just use your 911 time to drive to another place and order there? is a police officer supposed to make them make you a Whopper at gunpoint? no, i get it, if you pull up to a drive-through and they don’t have lemonade, you should just sit there and wait for the police to arrive.
highlight of this story: the 911 operator apparently told the caller that 911 was not for customer service; rather, “911 is [for if] you’re dying.”

man calls 911 to complain about sauce left off Subway sandwich
you know, i love to make fun of Americans for their compulsive gorging and the like; we’re a fat, food-loving people, the world knows it, we know it, DOGS know it, and so on. but this is just getting ridiculous! (though it would probably help if i stopped intentionally searching the internet for such stories.) similar story – man calls 911 because Subway isn’t making his sandwiches correctly – but with the added benefit of the fact that he then called 911 AGAIN because the police didn’t arrive quickly enough. and further, the caller helpfully declared “i’m not going to sit here and pay $12 for $10 freaking sandwiches,” making it easy for me to put a value ($4 or so) on what he’s using 911 for.
highlight of this story: this sentence – “when officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. those efforts failed.” i know it refers to failing to calm him, but it still sounds funny.

okay, enough mocking people who don’t get how 911 works. let’s call this a day.

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One Response to 911: not actually designed for hungry people

  1. cobb says:

    it’s odd that all these people called when foods was invovled. I bet they are all a bunch of fatties.

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