“we have more important business to handle. we can’t afford a circus.”

i’ve got some relatives in from out of town visiting (and it’s really very unfortunate that i don’t have anything cool like a toilet or a Microsoft game console for them to shoot), so i’m going to attribute me being very distracted and late with the update to that (like i’m going to let a perfectly good excuse like that go to waste? exactly), and maybe we’ll just do the ranting thing this week?

Joran van der Sloot
really rivaling Sean Penn for the title of “the most punchable face in America” … only i guess he’s not in America, so he’d be “the most punchable face in Peru”

something something Joran van der Sloot something something

let me tell you who i am REALLY tired of seeing in the news: this guy Joran van der Sloot. he’s like the gift that keeps on giving… giving me an ulcer, am i right? anyone? well, whatever; i think we all know he’s back in the news because he a) probably killed some girl in Peru or something and b) was and/or is playing games about information regarding the death of Natalee Holloway. and this going to sound harsh (it’s always bad when i admit this in advance)… but who fucking cares?

now, i get why Natalee Holloway’s family cares, although given that they’re basically in the “we know she’s dead, we just want to know what happened” phase, i really think they need to look into getting past this event, since van der Sloot is obviously not going to be giving them useful information. that said, the case was always a clear example of the “if a white girl goes missing, it’s news” rule of thumb. but since van der Sloot is clearly fucking with everyone, why are we continuing to give him the attention he wants? can we just let this shit go already? lock his ass up in Peru and let some hardened Peruvian inmates murder him beyond belief, and then he’ll get what he deserves for all of the above crimes, and the Holloway family can get some satisfaction when they hear about it, and i can stop seeing his bleary, drunk-looking face in the fucking news every day.

Otis Mathis
there doesn’t seem to be a good picture of this guy on the internet… which, given his habits, is probably actually a good thing

Detroit school board president accused of sex act in meeting

and the best part is, neither that title OR the url’s implied title (“Education official admits inappropriate actions”) really does this justice. in short, Detroit school board President Otis Mathis was caught masturbating “during a meeting with the schools superintendent,” after which he resigned (obviously), but then tried to rescind his resignation. what the fuck? now THIS is the gift that keeps on giving:

“As you know, I have made inappropriate actions toward a professional employee of the board. I deeply regret my actions. I have apologized to the employee involved,” he wrote. He said medical issues may have contributed to the incident. “I need to pursue treatment … I want to make sure what happened doesn’t ever happen again.”

alright… what exactly are these “medical issues?” because if this is going to become some sort of “sex addiction” defense, well, that shit does not count as a medical issue. and that’s not me trying to be funny, that’s just a fact. there’s really no valid excuse for this, which is why he resigning made sense and the rest of this does not.

“The allegations set off a furor today. “It’s over. He’s done. We have more important business to handle,” Carla Scott, a member of the Detroit Board of Education, said. “We can’t afford a circus.”


“DPS police were investigating allegations by schools Superintendent Teresa Gueyser that during a meeting at about 5 p.m. Wednesday, Mathis touched himself for 20 minutes, then unzipped his pants. Gueyser, in a memorandum to the board, said she ended the meeting. “I told him that there was no reason for us to continue the meeting with that behavior,” she said.

she’s right, and this is ridiculous… but where exactly did that “20 minutes” figure come from? did these board members sit there and watch him touch himself for 20 minutes and make a note of the time, and THEN get outraged when he unzipped? i mean, okay, i’m sure some of this is people saying “maybe i’m misunderstanding what he’s doing” or “maybe this will all be over soon” or “ugh… i don’t want to deal with THAT” … but 20 minutes?

“Mathis resigned following the incident, effective immediately. In his resignation letter, he cited health issues as the reason for his resignation. However, he is seeking to rescind his resignation.”

Mathis, you are officially fucking terrible.

guns arriving at my house in a box!

i don’t know what took me so long to do some of the “03 FFL” and “regulated collector” paperwork regarding my mission to get every gun ever made, but now that we’ve done those things, we’ve moved to a new phase in firearm purchasing: that of gathering unto our hero janklow C&R firearms, including this CZ Vz.82:

CZ Vz.82

it’s like a Makarov (and we all know how awesome those are, even if they don’t always fully penetrate All bottles) if Czechs thought “let’s not use a Makarov, but just make basically the same gun, only with a different hammer and a different look and maybe more rounds in the magazine.” and it’s 100% awesome. well, maybe just 95%, since it might not shoot through All bottles either.

oh, also, this:

Snoop’s fame always kind of annoys me because he’s clearly got less musically hungry since hitting it big (which i can’t blame, but still) and the guy really only has one GOOD album (or, maybe, to be fair, one GREAT album and no more than another 1-2 good ones)… but it never fails to crack me up when he does these shamelessly ridiculous songs. i can’t hate on that.

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