“as a karate expert, i will not talk about anyone up here.”

this week, as it happens, there’s apparently been a theme of “things that are basically about New York” and “things that are basically about firearms,” and sometimes these things overlap. the latter’s probably not a surprising topic around these parts, since janklow’s love of firearms is amongst his most renowned traits (beyond being a master of close-up magic, of course); the former… well, i’m not a huge fan of New York City, but i do often listen to a lot of New York hip-hop, so let’s pretend that i have some emotional feeling for the metropolis in question because i happen to think Pharoahe Monch rocks (err…. Organized Konfusion and/or Internal Affairs-era Pharoahe Monch, not Desire-era Pharoahe Monch, anyway) and get on with the update!

Jimmy McMillan
you might as well relax, because this picture is only the tip of the ridiculousness iceberg

Jimmy McMillan, the founder and “CEO” of the “Rent Is Too Damn High” Party

so maybe you don’t follow the electoral news in New York City -lord knows i can’t follow anything else- but you probably saw on the internet something about this “Jimmy McMillan” character. but let’s pretend, however, for the sake of allowing me to discuss this topic as content for the week that you have not.

now, i was recently debating with someone about how, in his opinion, the US elects “people” over “party” and that this is a mistake because you just get politicians who refuse to support the platform of the party they’re elected on the strength of; a good example of this, if you don’t follow, is the way conservative Democrats ran as Democrats and took advantage of their popularity/the Republicans lack thereof, and then turned around and refused to back things like universal health care that Democrats as a whole were theoretically running to promote. i see his point, but what he seems to forget is that allowing random, personable people into the mix gives us stuff like this:

since there’s all that video (and longer ones out there), let me limit myself to simply giving you my 13 most favorite things about Jimmy McMillan, in no particular order:

01. most obvious, his AWESOME facial hair. i truly do miss the era in which men rocked elaborate and fantastic mustaches and beards, and McMillan brings that back. he also attributes his raised profile to his mustache and the saucy name of his party.

02. he has a speaking style that’s not a traditional political one, but i love it because it’s much more in the style of a random showman, or possibly the style of “crazy dudes in Baltimore who wear leather “Darth Vader suits” and yell about the Bible on public access television.” it’s not politics as usual!

03. choice comment #1 from the debate: “listen! someone’s child’s stomach just growled. do you hear that? gotta listen like me.” because if you’re going to be a man of the people and address their very real concerns, it’s best to present it in terms of your supernatural powers.

04. choice comment #2 from the debate: “as a karate expert, i will not talk about anyone up here.” now, this was in regard to negative campaigning and, to be honest, it’s a legitimately solid, refreshing position. but you’re basing it on … being a karate expert? the result is that i am seriously working karate references into everything now; i tried earlier today to get my “moderate skill at karate” listed as a collateral duty on my performance review. i was, sadly, unsuccessful.

05. choice comment #3 from the debate: on the topic of gay marriage, McMillan’s position is basically “if you want to marry a shoe, i’ll marry you.” as in you and the shoe, of course, he’s not personally getting married to you. the position isn’t crazy, it’s just the fact that no politician would ever say this, even if they felt that way. they would HAVE to weasel their way around the issue..

06. choice comment #4 from the debate: McMillan declared that the deficit was like a cancer, and thus “it will heal itself.” i’m not trying to make fun of his medical experience in this regard, but let’s be honest: i don’t think that’s what happens with cancer. but note this: if a “real” candidate said that, it would be a huge mistake broadcast on the internet.

07. choice comment #5 from the debate: McMillan threw out there that “we plan to bulldoze some of those mountains in Upstate to make New York an independent state. i want my own cable company; i want my own telephone company.” i don’t know where this was going, although i am assuming by “my,” he meant for the city or state. i think.

08. that he had a dispute with the NYC Board Of Elections over the name of his party, “Rent Is Too Damn High”; they claimed the name was too long, he claimed they hated his language, and now he operates officially as “Rent Is 2 Damn High.” but what i mainly care about is the awesomeness of swearing!

09. let’s make this an additional point: McMillan himself ALSO knows how awesome it is that there are swears in the party’s name: “The ‘damn’ is what gives the party the hype it has … But once you take the ‘damn’ out, you lose the power.” he went so far as to say, regarding the Board Of Elections, that he would:
“love to put on my website that the Board of Elections can suck my dick, I would love to do that, but I got little children going to my website, I can’t do it, the motherfuckers. I would love to, before every one of them go to bed at night, suckin’ my damn dick. That’s what I’d love to put on my website. Every fuckin’ one of them, you know.”
to which i say, “hell yes.”

10. so, the gloves. so apparently McMillan served in Vietnam (cool), earned a couple of Bronze Stars (very cool) and was exposed to Agent Orange (not cool). so now he feels that if he doesn’t wear the gloves, he’ll get sick. this is either a tragic medical condition or a ridiculous medical concept, and i’d lean toward the latter with a guy who thinks cancer heals itself … but actually, he goes so far as to acknowledge this: “It could be psychological, I don’t know, but I just put em on and wear them anyway.” i totally respect that.

11. apparently his hero is Ronald Reagan? so that’s cool. everyone loves Reagan, right? even Democrats (which is what McMillan is apparently registered as, but i can forgive him that indiscretion).

12. his website. remember when every website looked like this, and it was considered awesome? well, some guys i know HATE these outdated sites -this is common with old dudes that run gun and gun-related supplies business on the internet, but who don’t know much about the internet- but i find them endearing and priceless. i’m weird, whatever, don’t judge me.

13. the fact that, even though his personal rent isn’t too damn high, he’s really motivated about this topic on behalf of the people. now, okay, sometimes this concept seems calculated, but he’s clearly not a calculating politician; one thing i DON’T think is in debate regarding McMillan is his sincerity on the issues he weighs in on. god bless this man!

anyway, i don’t live in NYC, i can’t vote for the guy, i know no one will vote for him because they’ll have to go for an “electable” candidate … but whatever, let’s just enjoy Jimmy McMillan while we can, because he’s awesome.

Michael Bloomberg
yes, i am making an effort to find unflattering pictures of Bloomberg

Bloomberg supports two-term limit for mayors who aren’t him

now, it’s probably a fairly expected thing for me to hate on NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg: on the most obvious level, i love guns, he hates guns, and i generally get disgusted by not just his stance on the issue, but his methodology when attacking guns. this is a guy who’s trashy little anti-gun group (Mayors Against Illegal Guns) claimed an inaccurately high number of guns used in crime in Mexico were traced back to the US, had that number contradicted by the GAO and the ATF, who were the SOURCE of the number… and then used the same number again as if it was new information without acknowledging the contradiction. it’s fucking ridiculously intellectually dishonest from a guy who claims to be the smartest guy in the room, and that makes me sick.

i further challenge any group like MAIG that claims they’re not anti-gun, just anti-illegal-gun, to show me what concrete thing they have done to benefit legal gun owners in ANY way, even a limited one. i’ll wait right here while they fail to do so.

ANYWAY, let’s focus on today’s outrage: this fucking nonsense position he’s taking on the issue of mayoral term limits in New York City. you may remember that prior to the last mayoral election, Bloomberg got the law changed so that he could run for a third term, a move TOTALLY not practiced by Latin America dictators. so now i see this article in the news:

“New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg says he supports a ballot measure to restore the city’s term-limit law to two terms. Bloomberg is responsible for changing the law in 2008 to three terms. He persuaded the City Council to extend it so he could run again.”

so let me get this straight: he’s responsible for changing the law (in that he pushed for it, not that he enacted it himself)… and now he wants to support a measure to restore it? that’s weird, because you’d think if he was in favor of a measure he’d continue to support it, unless there was a good reason. well, let’s read on!

“A spokesman says Bloomberg only supported three terms for himself, because the situation was extraordinary. At the time, Bloomberg said the city needed him to get through the financial crisis. He promised he’d convene a charter commission to put the question before voters again.”

ah, so THAT’s the good reason: he only supports it for himself; for anyone else, there’s no reason for them to need three terms! now, there’s basically a couple of problems i have with this:

01. this is such a classic example of an asshole politician supporting a move that blatantly creates a special circumstance that benefits him.

02. i’m not sure what Bloomberg has done to prove he DID get the city through the financial crisis. now, maybe he did, because i don’t live in NYC or scrutinize his every move. the gun stuff i hear about because he tries to stay active with it on a national level, but as for actually being the mayor… well, what the fuck do i know about that? but you’d think he could give SOME example, right?

03. this is a longer term issue, but here goes: so Bloomberg is saying that a third term was needed for him because NYC was in a crisis situation. could that NEVER happen again? do voters HAVE to elect the next mayor for three terms because they can? i remember when, before FDR, presidents COULD run for more than two terms… and they just didn’t.

anyway, fuck Bloomberg and his self-congratulating bullshit. that’s all.

and another final shout-out to Bloomberg

despite the fact that every time i purchase a handgun chambered in .40 S&W i immediately think “why didn’t i just get another 9mm?” … i have once again gone out and purchased a handgun chambered in .40 S&W: a SIG P229. this is the way i live my life.

SIG P229

it’s a nicely-sized pistol, but i happen to think calling it a “compact” version of the P226 is stretching the use of that term, even if it IS smaller than a P226. but i love pistols that are metal, metal and more metal, so that’s nice.

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