“they’ll love you one second, and hate you the next, oh, ain’t it crazy?”

so today i got a review of some past updates that went along the lines of “solid updates, outside of the string of hip-hop related ones.” so of course, the first thing i thought was, “time for another hip-hop themed update!” actually, in fairness, i tried to feel out some of the people who might – and i emphasize MIGHT – actually read the site to see if they thought this update would be a good idea. to a man (or woman), they did not. so i spent some time kicking some additional ideas around, but ultimately my inertia won out. so here we go.

recently i saw a ridiculous video i had not seen for some time, and had many reactions to it: some that exist whether or not you’re hearing this song at all, and some of which are strictly video-related. so without further ado:

janklow’s list of 13 observations based on Ghostface Killah’s “Cherchez La Ghost” video

i suppose i should embed said video here so that everyone can truly appreciate these observations.

13. no one can get the name of this song correct
i have always understood it to be “Cherchez La Ghost,” as it’s supposed to be (for whatever reason) a play on the song title “Cherchez La Femme.” however, everyone in creation, as you can see from the title of the above video, seems to call it “Cher Chez La Ghost,” which doesn’t make much sense … especially when i would think true Ghostface fans would have bought Supreme Clientele. and Wikipedia doesn’t help matters by calling it “Cherchez LaGhost” … which is doubly weird when you consider that the Wiki article mentions the damn “Cherchez La Femme” thing.

12. the ridiculous singing really makes this song
so here’s the thing: i’m not a huge fan of the “rappers plus some R&B singer” mash-up. either the song they produce is some nonsense for the ladies, or it’s just a goddamn mess. now, Ghostface DID pull it off quite well with “All That I Got Is You” (a serious classic), but that whole “Ghostdini: the Wizard Of Poetry In Emerald City” album, despite being an interesting idea and having the BEST title, was not something i want to listen to again. except maybe for that “Guest House” song with Fabolous, which i don’t think actually had any R&B singing … which is weird for that album.

this crazy-ass singing, however, is totally different by virtue of being insane (see also the insufferable singing on “the Watch,” which i would ABHOR were i not blown away by its insanity), and kicks into an even more ridiculous zone with the “tell ’em, girl/Ghostface, Ghostface” chant-type part later in the song. which is why it works.

Ghostface awakens, rested
attractive? perhaps. restful? doubtful

11. i remain impressed that Ghostface can get any rest with a bed filled with so many women
sure, he’s undoubtedly exhausted from having sexually pleasured them all (even if they can’t freak him because he’s just too nasty), but it can’t be comfortable to try and sleep in a bed littered with randomly-arranged “model dimes.” granted, this is not a problem i find myself commonly confronting, so maybe there’s some trick to it that i’m not aware of?

10. why the fuck is U-God at this party?
seriously. it’s U-God. he’s terrible. okay, he’s not Cappadonna terrible and i guess he’s one of Ghost’s boys from Staten Island, and to be perfectly rude about it, if there was ONE guy from Wu-Tang (and we’re not including Cappadonna) who might need a little help getting some ladies, and Ghostface was going to do him a solid and invite him to his party filled with (attractive) freaks, it might just be U-God. so to be honest, this does make some sense. however…

09. why the fuck is U-God featured on this song?
because he is TERRIBLE. U-God’s weird in that while most everyone in Wu-Tang either a) is universally loved (Ghostface, Raekwon, Method Man for the most part, Inspectah Deck, maybe GZA) or b) has a sincere fan base and critics that will not push the issue (RZA, ODB, Masta Killa, maybe GZA) … U-God is c) the subject of incredibly divisive debate. people either despise him or love him, and you can put me in the former category. and to be honest, i would be fine with a U-God verse (ugh) if he wasn’t the ONLY feature on the song. Ghostface featuring Raekwon and U-God? it happens (and it might even be called “Rec-Room Therapy” and be decent). Ghostface featuring U-God? mistakes have been made.

08. walking around with a championship belt is an excellent idea
Ghostface rocks some extreme fashion choices that i don’t fully understand, so i am not exactly sure where this belt came from (i heard it might be a WCW belt) or what it represents, beyond his excellence (he IS referred to as “the undefeated champion” in this song, but it’s not clear what organization awarded him the belt). this song DOES predate the (superior) song “the Champ” by a few years. however, i have to think that if you ARE going to rock an ostentatious accessory to impress a room/hallway/whatever full of ladies, a championship belt is a solid choice. it’s certainly better than a douchebag fedora.

Ghostface not impressed

07. the above disgusted gesture shown at 0:58 is my favorite “get the fuck out of here” type of gesture ever seen in a music video
…actually, i think that covered it. let’s just continue.

06. jerseys can prove to be poor fashion choices
and this is not, to be honest, a criticism of the phase in hip-hop fashion where everyone was rocking jerseys and throwbacks and everything else. i actually don’t think it’s that bad of a casual look. but what i DO wonder is if this guy in the Watters jersey (who pops in around 1:07 or so and appears to be fleeing down the hallway from the raw awesomeness of Ghostface) is maybe now thinking, “hey, maybe i should have chosen a better player’s jersey for my appearance in that classic video?” the answer is yes.

personally, if asked to appear in a video by Ghostface and told, “rock a jersey,” i would rock the Bo Jackson throwback and feel confident that this would stand the test of time. kids would see my appearance and ask their fathers, “dad, who was this Jackson guy? number 32?” and their fathers would get a little misty. “he was too great for our sports, son … he was too great.” and thus the cycle of old people reminiscing over sports and young people being absolutely disgusted with their weird parents would continue for another generation.

05. a short list of things i particularly object to about U-God’s verse/performance includes:
-any time U-God references anything to do with his dick;
-his fucking “walk like an Egyptian” dance;
-referring to woman’s asses as “slim doo-doo makers.”

let’s focus on that last one for a second. i know guys that use similarly vulgar terms to refer to lady’s asses, and it doesn’t make sense to me. so you’re trying to tell me a woman has a phenomenal ass… and you call it a “turd-cutter?” this is absolutely appalling. even worse is the fact that U-God seems to be celebrating non-excessive asses (as there is a difference between a “thick ass” and an overweight woman’s ass) … and yet i can’t acknowledge it because the bastard is using the goddamn “slim doo-doo makers” phrase. TERRIBLE.

Redman ... and inflatable shark?
Redman does happen to top my list of “rappers i would not leave alone with the pool toys”

04. teasing me with cameo appearances by solid rappers is WRONG
granted, one of the ways these videos work is that the crew shows up for some shots and fucks around. that’s not actually my problem. my REAL problem is that it’s downright cruel for me to see Raekwon and Method Man and Redman (and everyone else, those are the examples) hanging out and not rapping on the song … while, meanwhile, U-God is dancing like a moron and talking about those slim doo-doo makers. and i’ll be honest: if Redman said it, i would laugh at it. he’s ridiculous.

03. Ghostface is allowed to do things i despise without complaint
like you didn’t already know this. but, okay, here’s an example: at about 2:05, Ghostface is seen wearing sunglasses inside. now, this is a classic douchebag manuever and it really does annoy me; it’s right up there with the glittery, tight Affliction t-shirts of the world and if a friend of mine was doing it, i would insult him. to his face. in front of his wife, child, and sick grandmother, and i would use profanity. but even though Ghostface is indoors… and in what is clearly a dimly-lit room… and not known to have any medical condition that would necessitate the use of those glasses… i don’t even care.

02. “always will be my friend: Ghostface Killah”: line of the song
absolutely. there’s a million legitimately praiseworthy things you could say about Ghostface (he raps well, he’s a ghost and can’t be broke, and so on) and there’s a million bold statements you could make that may or may not be true (he’s the greatest rapper ever, he uses iced-out Trojans, and so on) … but this statement combines simplicity with something that is legitimate praise. it also highlights for me the fact that despite him having released albums for me for about 18 years now … he still does it and the albums are still good.

Ghostface, excellent as always

01. this green robe is entirely too excellent
i am seriously willing to believe that it was made from suede and knitted by virgins. i just i knew where you could buy such wonderful things.

so, uh, sorry, guys. i’ll try to make it up to you with a) a non-hip-hop update next week and b) this unrelated video of Ghostface on the Jimmy Kimmel show telling “Ghost Stories.” this one involves a show in Vermont, Mini-KISS, and the shenanigans of Cappadonna. seriously.

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