apparently people like to search the words “Henry IV” and get on my back about it because i say he was a fake theatre dude… GTFOMD

one of the things i seem to forget is that if you don’t schedule these posts to publish, THEY DON’T GET PUBLISHED. this is an especially annoying fact to realize when you’ve finally gotten a post written –even if the post is short or not funny or whatever, because we’re looking at the mere fact that one was created AT ALL as some kind of divine intervention at this point– and you’re thinking, “god, FINALLY, now to go to bed,” and then you realize much later when you’re way behind on your posts (as usual) that you’re WAY behind on your posts because… well, i think you see where this is heading, especially now that i have replaced the original “pointless introductory rambling” with this “explaining the belated nature of the post” introductory rambling. enjoy!

Henry IV
Henry IV: turns out this dude was real

PSA: the Titanic was real, not just a movie

generally speaking, i try not to set some kind of level of disappointment with mankind, mainly out of the fear that, however low i rate them, they will manage to do worse. that said, it seems that the minds between Twitter designed that website/software/whatever the fuck it is for the sole purpose of allowing people to embarrass themselves: first we had Twitter revealing that all children should be beaten out of their awful, awful minds over the holidays, and now we have Twitter demonstrating the fact that a lot of people didn’t know that the Titanic didn’t happen. really? really:

URGE TO SLIT WRISTS RISING

sigh.

now, okay, there are always going to be stupid people in the world; the real problem here is that Twitter allows them to post all over my goddamn internet. perhaps this is why the noble class kept the common man illiterate for so long: the common man is a fucking moron, and no one wants to hear him go on and on about how he never knew Henry IV of England was, like, oh mh god, a REAL PERSON. i always just assumed that Shakespeare dude made him up! #peasantmindblown

however, i would like to discuss some reasons that i do NOT deem legitimate for these kids to be so fucking dumb.

01. because kids don’t know anything about history anyway

granted, this is sort of true: kids are stupid and they only care about rock music and bubble gum. however, generally speaking, i try NOT to accept the default “kids are stupid because they’re stupid” setting and TRY to encourage them to learn something. also, while the Titanic is not my personal cup of interesting tea, i think we all know full well that millions of people find it FASCINATING, and not just because it indirectly helped them see Kate Winslet’s breasts, which should tell us that some of these children would probably find it worth reading or learning about. yeah, some kids will just never give a shit, but still. it’s not supposed to be the INTERESTING history that’s hard to teach children.

further, on a totally mercenary level, you know a ton of books and items were pumped out and sold to now-adults at the time the movie made all that money. do you expect me to believe that NONE of these kids saw commemorative saucers or picture books sitting around their parents’ homes and put two and two together?

02. because the movie doesn’t make it clear it’s about a real event

so i guess the theory is that a movie should have to directly tell you that it’s based on reality? okay, if you’ve never read about the Titanic AND you’ve never seen the movie, maybe you have NO WAY of knowing that this boat actually honest-to-god sank all those years ago… but you know, i’m sure kids don’t watch Saving Private Ryan and walk away thinking, “hey, we fought a war against Germany?”

further, i know kids are dumb enough to think that movies actually show 100% accurate depictions of history; one of my long-standing beefs with Americans is that they watch movies and think they’ve seen an awesome documentary about All Those Historical Facts. the number of people i’ve had to dissuade from their belief that “it’d be cool to visit those Caribbean islands where all the cloned dinosaurs are” alone is depressing. so really, you’d think that the average idiot kid would watch Titanic and not think that it was a just a film, but rather, think this romantic tale of Jack and Rose and all that cloying love stuff that makes me want to vomit were 100% real.

…and this doesn’t even mention the fact that James Cameron spends every waking moment of his life talking about his real-world undersea adventures that feature, in large part, THE TITANIC. don’t try and tell me that children don’t hang on every word James Cameron says. to restate my earlier point, i would have bet cash money that more people thought the Abyss really happened than thought Titanic was “just a film.”

THESE FUCKING KIDS.

i think that’ll do it for this week; it’s been short and not so sweet, i admit, but then again, you also got a fairly sizable picture. be thankful for what you’ve got!

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